Want to Be a Better Coach? Listen Better

Attention Leaders . . . Want to Be a Better Coach? Here Are Tips to Listen Better...

Some people are naturally good listeners. I’m lucky—I am. However, that puts me clearly in the minority. It doesn’t come naturally for most people. On the other hand, I will listen intently to whomever I am speaking with. Most people are naturally more talkative. They have a lot to say, and they look forward to throwing in their two cents. That is what makes so many of our salespeople feel like sales is a perfect fit for them. And that’s true if you are going to go about sales in the traditional approach—not so much if you are a believer in the art of consultative selling. But that is another subject for another blog!

For the sales leader, coaching our team requires something from us that is not as natural to most: deep, empathic listening.

Listening can be done at three different levels:

• Selective listening. How does this affect me? Is it even relevant to me? If yes, I will tune in. If not, I can continue to be focused on my inner talk track.
• Active listening. I am listening to you, and I really want to understand the content of what you are saying. So, I am an active participant. I ask clarifying questions and summarize or paraphrase to make sure I really get what you are saying.
• Empathic listening. This includes active listening but goes further. I am listening for content and for meaning. I key in on things like tone, facial expressions, eye movements, pauses, and especially emotions. What are they feeling? Why are they feeling that? What has not been said that is wanting to be expressed?

As an effective coach, if I am listening at the empathetic listening level, great things always happen. I ask just the right question at the right time. Or I share an insight or observation that is spot on. BANG! The lightbulb goes on. It is not because I am smart. It is simply because I am listening to my salesperson in a deep way. They are getting all my attention because I want to understand them as fully as possible. Guess what? This same principle applies in my personal life. When I am selectively listening to my friends or loved ones, they sense it and there is a distance between us. When I choose to listen to them with all of me, something changes, and we really connect. They sense it and appreciate it. (Marriage/relationship tip…no extra charge!)

When I am failing to practice empathetic listening, it usually means that I am stressed or tired or insecure and I need to take action to build up my reserves in these areas. I need to know how to recharge myself in these areas. The goal is to be as fully present as possible for each person I interact with. Do so, and watch the magic happen. Your people will feel heard, understood, valued. We will also stop wasting time and begin to coach to the real root causes of our salespeople’s less than stellar results instead of putting a band-aid on the symptoms of their poor sales techniques.